


The Basketball Which Class A Clearly Cannot Play

by issawip



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Basketball, Crossover, Gift Fic, Knives, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 14:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15269007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/issawip/pseuds/issawip
Summary: BNHA x KNB crossover.A basketball game between the generation of Miracles and several members of class A ends as well as you'd expect.





	The Basketball Which Class A Clearly Cannot Play

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amalgamations](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amalgamations/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Madz! I know this is late but you said that was okay so I'm gonna assume it's okay :P. I LOVE YOU BITCH I AIN'T EVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU...BIIIIIIITCH! You make me smile and laugh and feel so good about myself it's unreal, you are one of my bestest friends (for like two whole years now omg) and I love you to the gosh darn moon and sun and stars (*wink wink* that was a reference) and back. Words can't describe how much you make my life better but hopefully this stupid fic will. I love you sis <3 and enjoy this nonsense~

“If you saved lives like you played ball, you’d be a pretty shitty hero Deku.” Bakugou taunted as he dribbled the ball between his legs, smirking widely when Izuku dove to grab it, only to be greeted with a face full of cement when the ball was passed to Kirishima over his head. 

 

“Dude, focus on the game, not your shitty trash talk.” Shinsou called from the bench and Bakugou whipped around to glare at him. 

 

“FUCK OFF, YOU’RE NOT EVEN PLAYING!”

 

Shinsou menacingly pointed his plastic whistle at the angry blond, successfully keeping him at bay without ever getting up on his feet himself. 

 

“I’m the referee, so when I say shut up bitch, you shut up BITCH.”

 

“Hnnnnnnngh someone help me.” Izuku grumbled from where he was still laying on the ground. Everyone ignored him in favour of playing around him instead.

 

“This is stupid!” Kaminari complained as he picked up the pace to keep up with the speed demon that was Kirishima on the court. “This is nothing like high school musical. I feel cheated…”

 

“You expected...what exactly? More cheesy show tunes and coordinated group dances?” Shouto tried carefully maneuvering himself around Bakugou to guard him, assuming they couldn’t make contact with each other or else the game would end. Contrary to popular belief, he did play quite a lot of basketball when he was younger with his siblings. Except they didn’t use a basketball, just a flaming ball of aluminum and instead of making baskets, the goal was to win their father’s affection and no one ever won.

 

...Okay maybe that wasn’t basketball. 

 

“YEAH!” The ball slammed into Kaminari’s gut and nearly made him double over in pain. “Ooooow! Zac Efron come save me please…”

 

“NO STANDING! YOU GOTTA KEEP THE BALL MOVING!” Shinsou called from the bench and Iida paused from where he had made his way over to inspect Izuku’s seemingly shut down system and made a face.

 

“What do you mean ‘no standing’? If you meant ‘no travelling’ then yes, that would’ve made sense, but now we can’t stand? This is an odd game...who enjoys playing this?”

 

“ME, ‘CAUSE WE’RE WINNING!” Bakugou roared happily as Kaminari unhappily made his way to the net and haphazardly chucked the ball into the rim. Kirishima leaped up and slammed it down, hand hardening to make sure it was extra dramatic and nearly popping the ball in the process. 

 

“Hey!” Izuku had suddenly recovered from his mini makeout session with the floor and got up to point and yell at the opposing team. “HEY HE USED A QUIRK, THAT’S NOT ALLOWED!”

 

“Whatever.” Bakugou rolled his eyes as Shinsou pondered the penalty. God having this much power was fun. It was like being a hero except instead of saving lives you made teenager’s throw hissyfits. Arguably so much better.  “We’re crushing you losers anyways!”

 

“You’re dating these two losers so, who’s the real loser?” Izuku tried firing back and even Shouto winced and made cutting motions across his throat.

 

“Still you babe.” Bakugou snorted as he turned his attention to where Kirishima and Kaminari were engaged in a complicated looking bro handshake to celebrate their victory. “Hey, idiots! Quit fuckin’ having hand sex-”

 

“You both are so bad with your insults today.” Shouto noted bluntly and Iida had to agree. Hand sex? He had heard better from himself, and that was saying something!

 

“Fuck off, you’re just mad ‘cause you’re losing, LOSER.” Bakugou pulled a face. “Isn’t that right ref?”

 

Shinsou looked up from where he had been browsing the teacher/student section on Wattpad on his phone to give Bakugou an unimpressed look.

 

“No.”

 

“He’s mad that we’re winning too.” Bakugou grumbled under his breath as he adjusted his shorts so instead of hanging around his knees and making him look like an accidental dumbass, they were hanging under his buttcheeks and making him look like a professional dumbass. “Fuck the haters!”

 

“Winners focus on winning and losers focus on winners.” Shouto pointed out with an amused look, loving how agitated logic made his boyfriend. “Since you’re so focused on winners, would that qualify you as a loser?”

 

“SOMEONE GET THE BALL BACK SO FUCKIN’...SOCRATES OVER HERE CAN SHUT UP!”

 

Izuku snickered to himself as he raised a hand to volunteer to get the ball back, immediately regretting his decision when he noticed the ball had somehow rolled it’s way over to the entrance of the court where it had gotten suspiciously dark. He could’ve sworn there had been a light on when they had gotten there…

“What’s wrong Midoriya? Are you okay?” Iida asked, overflowing with concern like the time that one toilet in the boy’s bathroom- nevermind that was a pretty shitty comparison. 

 

“No it’s okay I just…” Izuku turned to point out the sudden darkness that had swallowed up the entrance to the court when he realized the ball was gone. Had it seriously just rolled into the shadows? The nerve of that little orange bastard! He knew that stealing sports equipment from the school’s gym storage was a bad idea, the ball was probably cursed by some witch quirk bitch!

 

(Try saying that five times fast.)

 

Izuku looked around with nervous eyes before slowly making his way to the entrance, everyone falling silent as they watched him step into the shadows and crouch down, clumsily feeling around for anything ball shaped. His hands touched something and he got so excited he almost prematurely announced the ball’s return but it turned out to just be his shoe that was still attached to his foot so he awkwardly closed his mouth and kept blindly groping. 

 

“G-guys? I can’t seem to find it.” Izuku called out and he distinctively heard Bakugou scoff from behind him. 

 

“Babe, I know you’re terrible at everything but did you seriously just lose our ball? What, did it just disappear or something?” Bakugou made his way over to join Izuku’s fruitless (balllless?) search, pushing his boyfriend back and away and pulling out his phone to assist him like any sane person would. “Just fuckin’ turn on the flashlight and-”

 

The light from Bakugou’s phone lit up the dark space and the blond began scanning the court in front of them to find their ball that had seemingly vanished into thin air. 

 

“Huh, that’s fuckin’ weird. I wondered what happened to it-” Bakugou froze mid sentence as his light caught the tip of a pair of shoes standing at the entrance of the court. A pair of very expensive looking basketball shoes. Izuku’s own shoes shrivelled up a little in jealousy. 

 

Everything was deadly silent, all of them assuming a teacher or an older student had come down to bust them for playing on the courts after curfew or something, as Bakugou slowly lifted his phone to bathe the figure in light. 

 

To everyone’s surprise, a boy with red hair and two toned eyes, smiling an unstable smile was revealed. He was decked out in a white tracksuit and had a group of six other circus escapee looking weirdos behind him and in his hands he held a very familiar looking orange sphere. 

 

“Looking for this?”

 

Not gonna name names or anything but someone that rhymed with Schmizuku Schmidoriya peed themselves a little. 

 

“Oh Akashicchi, when you told us your plan was to steal their ball and wait in the dark in silence until they noticed us I kind of doubted you a little, not gonna lie, but now that I see the looks on their faces it was totally worth it!” A blond behind the scary, near Shouto clone, redhead gushed and one of the leader’s eyes (the yellow one) twitched. 

 

“Ryouta shut up.”

 

“I never doubted your plan for a second.” The green one stated and the big purple one rolled his eyes. 

 

“Midochin’s a kiss ass…”

 

“Heh...ass.” The big blue one in the back snorted. 

 

“Wow Akashi-kun, that vein in your forehead is really bulging.” The little blue one in the front pointed out and even raised his hand as if to poke it but got his hand restricted by the large red one. 

 

“Careful Tetsuya, or he’ll bite your damn fingers off! And, uh, I like your fingers so-”

 

“What’s up with basketball players and hand fetishes?” The yellow one (...) pointed out, crossing his arms and looking annoyed. “Like seriously!”

 

“Mhmmm, I agree.” The small blue one nodded his small blue head. “When I met Taiga, he seemed like he would be normal-”

 

“You saw those eyebrows and thought normal? Fuck Tetsu, if a man’s eyebrows look like they’re tryna have a divorce, you know he’s fucked up!“ The big blue one snorted. 

 

“Your eyebrows are fine, but you’re not. Explain that.” The green one mused and Izuku momentarily unfroze and slowly looked over at Bakugou who was gaping up at the wannabe, freakishly tall, juggalos. 

 

“You guys.” The small red one sounded genuinely pained, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. “Please, just- just let me have one nice entrance. It’s all I wish for.”

 

“That’s all you wish for? Seriously?!?!?! Not even your dead mom back-?” The big blue was promptly interrupted and elbowed in the lower basketballs (aka his testicles) and keeled over, coughing and choking while the small red one turned and smiled sinisterly at the horrified heroes in training in front of him. 

 

“I apologize on behalf of my...ah, how do I say, friends? Yes, friends. I apologize for them.”

 

“Apology accepted.” Izuku managed to squeak out, not wanting to leave the scary little red one hanging lest he get his own basketballs smashed.

 

“Ah, you can speak! Wonderful!” The little red one grinned. “My name is Akashi Seijuurou. My friends and I were just wandering around when he heard the sounds of someone playing a game of our favourite sport.”

 

“...Basketball.” The pretty yellow (...) one clarified and got his ear tugged on by the big green one, making him whine in protest. “What? I was just making sure they knew what Akashicchi was talking about…”

 

Izuku appreciated it. 

 

“What the fuck.” Bakugou finally said, like the eloquent sumbitch he was. “What the FUCK- who the hell are you guys? Are you third years? I’ve never seen any of you around before…”

 

“We’re the Generation of Miracles.” Akashi said helpfully and Bakugou just stared at him incredulously, mouth hanging open and eyes narrowed. The redhead smiled back thinly. “Oh, and Kagami.”

 

“Gee, thanks.”

 

“The fuck is ‘The Generation of Miracles’, a drug cartel or some shit?” They had joked about how Bakugou’s lack of a filter was totally going to kill him one day, but wow Bakugou’s lack of a filter was so going to kill them tonight. God, it was about time.

 

“Yes.” The small blue one said with confidence. “Exactly.”

 

“We’re not a fuckin’ drug cartel.” The big red one snapped. “We’re just…”

 

“A group of quirky and borderline unlikeable, freakishly tall 16 year olds that spend too much time and mental energy on an extracurricular activity, that at times, has supernatural aspects to it which are oddly enough never explained and just treated as something normal when in reality they’re incredibly implausible...we also all have hair that both perfectly match our names, a cruel joke if I do say so myself, and the colors of the rainbow.” The green one explained and adjusted his glasses before raising a hand with several of his fingers bandaged. “I am Midorima Shintarou.”

 

“That’s why we’re friends. Because of our hair” The excited yellow (...) one grinned and waved. “I’m Kise Ryouta!”

 

“Hold on, we’re friends?” The big blue one looked genuinely confused. “Nevermind. Guess we are. Uh- I’m Aomine. Daiki. Aomine Daiki.”

 

“Of course we’re fuckin’ friends dude! Don’t you remember that fuckin’ friendship bracelet shit I got you for Christmas from Claire’s? Damn...remember I gave you one half of it and it was a basketball net and I kept the basketball? Dude, do you seriously not remember? Ugh. I’m Kagami Taiga.” The big red one looked genuinely upset. 

 

“Kaga-chin won’t give me a friendship bracelet. Is it because I’m fucking his brother? Heh.” The giant purple one smirked and then made a confused face. “Wait...which one am I?”

 

There was a long pause as he began counting on his fingers, pointing to himself before the others and finally nodding in satisfaction.

 

“I’m Murasakibara Atsushi. I think. I dunno. I’m hungry.”

 

“And I’m-” The small blue one began and was rudely cut off by Akashi who took a step forward and raised a hand to silence his friend (?). 

 

“And that’s Kuroko Tetsuya.”

 

“You let everyone else introduce themself and not me?” Kuroko mumbled as he resisted the petty urge to swoop down and tie Akashi’s shoelaces together. He totally would have but Akashi always triple knotted them for odd safety reasons and trying to open those knots would’ve been a struggle and a damn half. “That’s why Furihata-kun got a restraining order from you…”

 

Akashi smoothly ignored that in favour of subtly posing for the still in shock boys in front of him. 

 

“We like basketball.” He stated and Aomine shrugged behind him.

 

“I dunno, basketball’s like okay. It’s fine. Like...whatever.” Aomine mused intellectually. 

 

“And you all were just playing a game of basketball.” Akashi gestured across the court. 

 

“Just say y’all...coward.” Kise giggled to himself. 

 

“How about my team-” Akashi crossed his arms, succeeding in looking very menacing, especially against his backdrop of his weird but buff and mildly threatening looking maybe juggalo friends.”Plays your team?”

 

Akashi seemed to direct this request at Bakugou and Shinsou looked up from his Eraserhead x Reader self insert fan fic to snort. 

 

“Awful bold of you to assume HE’D be the captain…” Shinsou remarked to himself and snickered at his own words. “Damn I’m so funny…”

 

Suddenly, as if he hadn’t just spent the last twenty minutes frozen in shock, Bakugou magically popped up and grinned a wild grin, hand shooting out to shake Akashi’s roughly. 

 

“You’re on, man! My team’s gonna kick your team’s ass!”

 

“Excellent.” Akashi smiled and shook vigorously back. “Tetsuya will sit out so we’ll have five players.”

 

“Um. Wow. Okay. I didn’t even want to play. It’s not like it’s called Kuroko’s basketball or anything...damn.”

 

“Someone will have to sit out for your team too then-”

 

“Deku, you’re sitting your beautiful ass out.” Bakugou said without hesitation and Izuku squeaked, both at the compliment and the order.

 

“A-are you sure? I’m a great addition to the team! P-plus I really wanna play-”

 

Izuku shut his beautiful ass up real quick as he watched Murasakibara menacingly crack his knuckles, Kagami menacingly square his shoulders and Kise menacingly touch up his eyeliner in a little pocket mirror that was yellow and heart shaped but still totally menacing. 

 

“...Nevermind, I’ll sit this one out.” Izuku decided and scampered his way over to Shinsou.

 

The rest of Bakugou’s team quickly snapped out of their terrified stupor and quickly assembled behind him, trying their damndest to look cooler than the Generation of Miracles and failing miserably. Maybe if they all climbed on each other’s shoulders and activated their quirks like a Voltron amalgamation they’d stand a chance. Even then...maybe.

 

“Prepare to get your asses kicked.” Bakugou grinned wickedly and Akashi just hummed.

 

“Prepare to have your will to live destroyed.” Akashi said ominously before cracking a small smile. “I’m just kidding. You’ll be fine. I think.”

 

Jokes on you, Shouto thought with an unimpressed look. You can’t destroy what I don’t have!

 

“What’s the plan, dude?” Kagami asked and Akashi frowned as he stared at the taller red head with calculating eyes.

 

“Taiga, go sit on the bench. We’ll swap you out in a bit.”

 

“Huh? Man, fuck you!” Kagami groaned but reluctantly made his way over to the bench where Kuroko greeted him with an annoyed pout. “Hey babe. Sucks we’re not on the court but at least we’re together huh?”

 

Kuroko pouted harder and Kagami just sighed. He’d wanted to crush the clearly underqualified team so badly! Ugh, whatever, he’d just stick to crushing innocent elementary students on the courts near his house. That was always fun.

 

“Let’s stick to the usual play.” Akashi decided as he stretched his arms. “Any objections?”

 

“Maybe we should be nice to them!” Kise suggested. “Because they seem like...really bad. Like, I think we might actually kill them. And you promised we wouldn’t do that again, Akashicchi!”

 

“Hmmm.” Akashi looked deep in thought. “Be...nice...to...them? That play doesn’t sound familia Ryouta. Let’s just stick to the usual and stop throwing around such silly ideas.”

 

On the other side of the court, Bakugou’s team was already suffering which didn’t bode well for them. 

 

“So what’s our plan, Cap?” Kirishima asked, already bouncing on the balls of his feet. It was adorable how excited he was to be fucking obliterated by a bunch of colourful borderline sociopaths. 

 

“Win.”

 

“But-”

 

“I SAID WIN, SO WE WIN!” Bakugou shouted and the rest of his team cast apprehensive glances towards the Miracles and wondered if it was too late to call this off. 

 

“Can’t argue with that solid advice.” Kirishima chuckled nervously as they all awkwardly took their places. 

 

“So you all know the rules.” Shinsou waved a hand dismissively, the other holding the ball in anticipation of tip off. “Blah, blah, blah If the offensive team puts the ball into play behind the mid-court line, it has ten seconds to get the ball over the mid-court line. If it doesn't, then the defense gets the ball. Once the offensive team gets the ball over the mid-court line, it can no longer have possession of the ball in the area in back of the line. If it does, the defense is awarded the ball. When a team makes a basket, they score two points and the ball goes to the other team. If a basket, or field goal, is made outside of the three-point arc, then that basket is worth three points. A free throw is worth one point. Free throws are awarded to a team according to some formats involving the number of fouls committed in a half and/or the type of foul committed. Fouling a shooter always results in two or three free throws being awarded the shooter, depending upon where he was when he shot. If he was beyond the three-point line, then he gets three shots. Other types of fouls do not result in free throws being awarded until a certain number have accumulated during a half. Once that number is reached, then the player who was fouled is awarded a '1-and-1' opportunity. If he makes his first free throw, he gets to attempt a second. If he misses the first shot, the ball is live on the rebound. But you guys all know that so whatever.”

 

“Yes, yes. Of course.” Akashi and the other miracles (and Kagami) nodded as if Shinsou was making perfect sense. Which he was, but Bakugou’s team didn’t know that!

 

“Wait- what?!?!?!” Kaminari made a face. “Could you uh, maybe repeat that buddy?”

 

“No.” Shinsou said unhelpfully.

 

“I really don’t think what we were playing earlier was basketball.” Iida mused with a worried look. “This seems so much more convoluted…”

 

“Convoluted MY ASS, who cares about rules? All we need to care about, is WINNING!” Bakugou said wisely, crouching as he tried staring down all five of the opposing team members at once. 

 

“You must respect the rules of the game.” Midorima frowned and adjusted his glasses. 

 

“Yes, or the game won’t respect you.” Kuroko said from the bench and Izuku furrowed his brows at the annoyed teen sitting next to him. 

 

“The game won’t...respect you? Huh?”

 

“Do you know how high the casualty rate in basketball is?” Kuroko asked seriously and Izuku could honestly say he didn’t. “Incredibly high. More than 50%. That’s how high.”

 

“Wow.” Izuku blinked. “That’s...so high.”

 

“I wish I was high right now.” Kaminari whined. “Shinsou, don’t you wish you were high right now?”

 

“What do you mean wish?” Shinsou smirked, rubbing at his reddened eyes before abruptly throwing the ball in the air. “PLAY BALL!”

 

“MINE!” Bakugou shouted and lunged for it, only for Akashi to get it instead, silently passing it back to Kise and effectively beginning their play. “Well fuck, nevermind.”

 

“Oh I really hope they don’t die.” Izuku whimpered as he watched the game through his hands plastered on his face.

 

“Don’t worry.” Kuroko said as he patted the quivering green haired boy on his head sympathetically. “Yes, they will die but it looks like it will be a quick, nearly painless death. Quick and nearly painless because your team is so bad. That’s why it’s going to be-”

 

“Uh, thanks Kuroko.” Izuku cut him off. “That really uh…really makes me feel better.”

 

“I know.” Kuroko nodded his head. “It’s what I’m good at.”

 

And thus, Bakugou’s team was served the most brutal ass whooping in the history of ass whooping. 

* * *

Shinsou didn’t really have a buzzer on hand or anything so he tried mimicking the sound with his mouth and failing miserably. No one stopped and listened to him, which he was kind of used to in all honesty, so he grabbed his clipboard and began slamming it into the ground, succeeding in making everyone pause and turn to stare at him.

 

“Yes?” Akashi asked, hands on his hips and not even breaking a sweat as opposed to everyone on Bakugou’s team, looking weathered and drenched like they had just gotten mugged in the shower and had tried fighting the mugger off. “Should we stop?”

 

“Yeah, the game’s over I think.” Shinsou said with a smirk. “You guys won. By a fucking lot. Like, you guys absolutely obliterated Bakugou.”

 

“And my team.” Bakugou reminded, panting like a thirsty dog, sweat just pouring off his face. “Not just me.”

 

“Mhm, I’d beg to differ.” Shinsou shot back and instead of blowing his face up like he normally would have, Bakugou focused on his breathing because he was literally about to pass out if he didn’t.

 

“How are you guys so good???” Kaminari demanded to know, kneeling over and holding his aching stomach, on the verge of throwing up after trying to keep up with the Miracles on the court. “Holy shit, do you all have like...basketball quirks or something?”

 

“Quirks?” Kise tilted his head and made a face as the rest of his friends shared confused glances and shrugs. “Uh...sure? I mean I’m pretty, like, quirky so I dunno like- yeah?”

 

Kaminari nodded like that made perfect sense before sinking to hs knees and squeezing his eyes shut, trying to focus on keeping his dinner of takis and hot cheetos inside his stomach at all costs.

 

“I know you guys beat us but wow! You’re all so manly! It’s hard to hate you guys even though you were probably cheating throughout the whole game!” Kirishima praised, looking redder in the face than his spiky hair. He was swaying and his legs were wobbling but he waved off everyone’s concerned gazes and lurched his way over to the Miracles to eagerly shake their hands.

 

“Hey, thanks man.” Aomine smirked, resisting the urge to crush Kirishima’s hand like he usually did with opponents after a match and merely shook it like a normal person. “You actually did good! I mean, compared to us it was fuckin’ pathetic but compared to the average person? Pretty fuckin’ stellar performance!”

 

“You’re my new best friend.” Kirishima said seriously, manly tears bubbling in his eyes as his aching arms pulled a surprised Aomine down into a hug. “I love you bro.”

 

“I can’t feel my legs.” Iida said seriously, reaching down to try and feel said legs and looking alarmed as he squeezed his limbs over his trackpants. “I can touch them, however I can’t feel them. Oh no.”

 

“That’s not good.” Midorima frowned, analyzing the situation with narrowed eyes. “Perhaps yu overworked them during the game? You didn’t seem to stretch beforehand, maybe that can be traced back to your current downfall.”

 

“Perhaps.” Iida murmured before straightening up and promptly falling over. 

 

Midorima’s eyes lit up at the prospect of applying his medical school studies on a real human and kneeled next to the fallen blue haired boy, ready to diagnose. 

 

“Kise-chin, I’m hungry.” Murasakibara complained as he walked over to where his friend was debating whether to go live on Instagram and exploit Kaminari’s suffering for his followers entertainment. “Let me eat those mints you always have with you.”

 

“No, Murasakibaracchi!” Kise scolded as he put his phone away and waved a finger in the purple haired teen’s face. “I told you, you can’t eat that! Those aren’t mints, they’re Adderall!” 

 

“Ugh.” Murasakibara put his frustration eloquently. “Sucks. Hey is he dead?”

 

He pointed to Kaminari with his abnormally large foot and the blond groaned, flipping himself over and squinting up at Murasakibara with a hazy look in his eyes.

 

“...Jesus?”

 

“No, I’m Atsushi.” Murasakibara said blanky and Kise snickered. “I think.”

 

“”Hnnngh” Kaminari whispered intellectually. “I just know his dick big...I know it!”

 

“Yup.” Murasakibara nodded and reached down to grab the waistband of his shorts. “Wanna see it-?”

 

“Murasakibaracchi no! You’ll get arrested for flashing! Again! And Akashicchi said he wouldn’t pay bail for you this time!” Kise wailed and wrapped his arms around Murasakiabara’s middle and squeezing, succeeding in preventing his friend from showing the world, yet again, his giant downstairs eggplant.

 

“You look familiar.” Shouto’s breathing hard but nowhere near as beat up looking as the rest of his teammates. Probably because five minutes into the game he had realized what a horrible mistake they had made and had took a twenty minute break next to Izuku and no one had noticed except that weird blue haired boy on the other team.

 

“My impact.” He had said confidently and Shouto just ignored him in favour of watching his team get their asses kicked into next week.

 

“Can’t imagine why.” Akashi replied smoothly and shook the other’s boy hand with a confident pump. “...Wait, now that I think about it, I feel like I’ve seen you before.”

 

The two stared each other down. Daddy issues vs daddy issues. The tension between them was so thick it could be cut by the knife Akashi had concealed on his body under his clothes for ‘safety reasons’. 

 

“What’s your father’s name?” Shouto asked cautiously, never taking his eyes off Akashi’s surprisingly familiar looking one’s. “Maybe that will help jog my memory…”

 

“Akashi Masaomi.” Akashi answered coolly and then sent Shouto an apprehensive look. “Yours?”

 

“Shouto Todoroki.” Shouto answered blankly and then smiled just a little. “That was a joke. My name is Shouto Todoroki. That’s why I replied with it when you asked your vague question. Humour aside, my father’s name is Enji-”

 

Shouto gagged and grabbed his chest, taking a moment to breathe before continuing. 

 

“Enji Todoroki.”

 

“Hmmm.” Akashi hummed. “Hmmm…”

 

“You must be one of my step siblings.” Shouto decided finally. “I have many.”

 

“Hmmm.” Akashi hummed once again. “Perhaps. I shall go home and consult the family tree.”

 

Shouto nodded and finally let go of Akashi’s hand. 

 

“You do that.”

 

Kuroko and Kagami were both pissed that Akashi had forgotten about them and were plotting their revenge while Izuku watched with an uncomfortable look.

 

“I hate Akashi-kun so much. He always does this.” Kuroko’s face was blank but his tone conveyed his true rage. 

 

“Ugh I know!!! That little prick is so...fucking pricky!” Kagami balled his massive hands into fists and Izuku squeaked in fear and slid away from the plotting couple on the bench. 

 

“You said it, Taiga-kun.” Kuroko agreed and Kagami looked at him with a confused look.

 

“I mean...yeah, I just said that-”

 

“Shut up, Taiga-kun, there’s no time to be a dumbass. We have to get revenge! I say we kill him.”

 

Kagami rubbed his chin, looking like he was seriously considering it. 

 

“Man, I mean-” Kagami paused and looked over to the terrified Izuku who was shaking so much the bench was vibrating. “Fuck, we got a witness Tetsuya. Can’t kill him now...I mean we weren’t gonna in the first place! Haha...don’t worry ‘bout it little bro.”

 

Izuku was surprisingly touched by his new nickname bestowed upon him by Kagami and just grinned shakily back. 

 

“O-okay...large bro?”

 

Kagami laughed at that thankfully and Kuroko was not having any of this implied flirting nonsense and immediately grabbed his boyfriend’s biceps and squeezed urgently. 

 

“Instead of murder, let’s go have sex in that pool we walked past on the way here.” Kuroko demanded and Kagami nearly lost his mind at the invitation, nodding eagerly and allowing himself to be dragged up and away. 

 

Izuku watched them go with an uncomfortable look, shaking off his grimace and tapping Shinsou on the shoulder. His friend quickly exited out of the #Eraserhead yaoi tag on Tumblr and pocketed his phone.

 

“Hitoshi what just happened?” Izuku genuinely wanted to know because he had no clue. Just watching and trying to keep up with the damn match had given him a twitch to his left eye he feared would never go away.

 

“Man, I have no clue but I think your fuckin’ boyfriend just stopped breathing so maybe you wanna check that shit out instead of pestering me. Ever think about that Deku? ‘Course not. ‘Cause all you think about is yourself. Yourself and basketball. God, Deku. Fuckin’...evaluate yourself!”

 

“What are you talking about- KACCHAN OH MY GOD!”

 

“Akashicchi I told you to go easy on them!!! Oh no, we can’t have another homicide under our name!” Kise looked worried and Akashi just placed a couple of bills in the blond’s hand to keep his pretty mouth shut. 

 

“No worries Ryouta. He’s not dead. The poor thing just happened to overwork himself trying to keep up with us, that’s all. An admirable effort really. But not everyone can keep up with the big boys.” Akashi said menacingly as he gathered his things and moved to leave. 

 

“...Wait, are we the big boys?” Murasakibara wanted to clarify and the vein in Akashi’s forehead seriously looked like it was on the verge of explosion.

 

“YES ATSUSHI, WE’RE THE BIG BOYS. God, you’re all such IMBECILES!” Akashi was breathing heavily through his nose, clearly on the edge of losing it.

 

“...I’m sorry Aka-chin I just wanted to clarify because you’re not at all big so I-”

 

Akashi reached into his shorts and yanked out his knife, lunging at Murasakibara and leaving the rest of the Miracles to try and restrain him.

 

“I just want one outing to not end in a knifing.” Midorima shouted he ducked to avoid getting stabbed in the face by his manic little red friend. “JUST ONE! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?"

 


End file.
